The Phat News of Mark
The Hippie Bible
By 2 Hawks
All Rights Reserved
1. Then He began to speak to them in riddles: "A
man planted a vineyard and set a hedge around it, dug a place
for the wine vat and built a tower. And he leased it to some evil
and went into a far country.
2. "Now at harvest time he sent a servant to the vegans,
that he might receive some of the fruit of the vineyard from the
3. "And they took and duct-taped (2) him and then sent him away empty-handed.
4."Again he sent them another servant, and at him they threw
crystals, wounded him in the head, and sent him away dissed.
5. "And again he sent another, and him they killed; and many
others, blanket-parties (3) for some and killing others.
6. "Therefore still having one son, his beloved, he also
sent him to them last, saying, 'They will respect my son.'
7. "But those evil vegans said among themselves, 'This is
the heir. Come let us kill him, and the inheritance will be ours.'
8. "And they took him and killed him and cast him out of
9. "Therefore what will the owner of the vineyard do? He
will come and destroy the evil vegans, and give the vineyard to
10. "Have you not read in the scripture:
a. 'The stone which the builders rejected
b. Has become the chief cornerstone.
11. "This was the Lord's doing, 'And it is marvelous in our
12. And some of the high holy hippies sought to duct-tape Him,
but feared the multitude, for they knew He had spoken the riddle
13. Then they sent some Hi-Ho's to catch Him in His words (6).
14. "When they had come, they said to Him, 'Master, we know
that You are true, and that you do not show special treatment
to any man, for you do not regard the fear of men but teach the
way of God in truth. Is it lawful to pay taxes to Babylon, or
15. "Shall we pay, or shall we not pay? But He, knowing their
attempt to dis Him, said to them, "Why
do you dis Me? Bring Me a coin that I may see it."
16. So they brought it. And He said to them, "Whose
image and inscription is this?" And they said to Him,
17. Then Jesus answered and said to them, "Then
give to the President the things that are his and to God the things
that are God's." And they marveled at Him.
18. Then some of the Hi-Ho's of the focalizers (7),
who say there is no life after death, came to Him; and they asked
19. "Master, Moses wrote to us that if a man's brother dies,
and leaves his wife behind, and leaves no children, his brother
should take his wife and raise up offspring for his brother (8).
20. "Now there were seven brothers. The first took a wife;
and dying, he left no offspring.
21. "And the second took her, and he died; nor did he leave
any offspring. And the third like wise.
22. "So the seven had her and left no offspring. Last of
all the woman died also.
23. "Therefore, in the resurrection, when they rise, whose
wife will she be? For all seven had her as wife (9)."
24. Jesus answered and said to them, "Are
you not therefore mistaken, because you do not know the Scriptures
nor the power of God (10)?
25. "For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry
nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels in heaven.
26. "But concerning the dead, that they rise, have you not
read in the book of Moses, in the burning bush passage, how God
spoke to him saying, 'I Am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac,
and the God of Jacob' (11)?
27. "He is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living.
You don't know what you are talking about (12)."
28. Then one of the shamen came, and having heard them reasoning
together, perceiving that He had answered them well, asked Him,
"Which is the best commandment of them all?
29. Jesus answered him, "The best commandment
is 'Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.
30. 'And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your
strength.' This is the best commandment.
31. "And the second best is like it, "You shall love
your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater
32. So the shaman said to Him, Well said, Master. You have spoken
the truth, for there is only one God, and there is no other but
33. "And to love Him with all the heart, with all the understanding,
with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love one's
neighbor as oneself, is more than all the whole burnt offerings
34. So when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, He said to him,
"You are not far from the kingdom of
God." And after that no one dared question Him (13).
35. Then Jesus answered and said while He taught in the temple,
"How is it that the shamen say that
the Christ is the Son of David?
36. "For David himself said by the Holy Spirit:
a. The Lord said to my Lord,
b. 'Sit at my right hand,
c. Till I make Your enemies Your footstool.'"
37. "Therefore David himself calls Him 'Lord'; how is He
then his Son (14)?"
And the common people heard Him gladly.
38. Then He instructed them, "Beware
of the high holy hippies, who desire to go around in fancy hoodies,
love recognition in the trade circles,
39. "And the best seats in the council, and the best places
40. "Who devour single moms and for a pretense make long
oms. These will receive greater judgment."
41. Now Jesus sat opposite the magic hat (15)
and saw how the people put money into magic hat. And many who
were rich put in much.
42. Then one poor single mom came and threw in two pennies.
43. So He called His disciples to Him and said to them, "Guaranteed, I say to you that this poor
single mom has put in more than all those who have given to the
44. "For they all put in out of their abundance, but she
out of her poverty put in all that she had, her whole hope (16)."
Rev. Teddy Craven and Brian Cronin, Editor
When drawing close
To Him in worship
Love God with your whole being!
Love your fellow man as yourself!
Forgive one another
Footnotes & Commentary
More Hippie Gatherings:
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Federal Agents Kick Out Church
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Year's Eve 2002
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