The Phat News of Mark
The Hippie Bible
By 2 Hawks
All Rights Reserved
1. After two days it was the Passover (1)
gathering and the Feast of Unleavened Bread (2).
And the Hi-Ho's and shamen sought how they might trick Him and
put him to death.
2. But they said, "Not during the gathering, lest there be
an uproar of the road-dogs (3) and drainbows
3. And being in the town of Ghetto at the house of Simon who was
H.I.V. positive (5), as He sat at the table,
a woman came with a bottle of expensive perfume. And she broke
the seal on the bottle and poured it on His head (6).
4. But there were some who were agro among them, and said, "Why
was this herbal oil wasted?
5. "For it might have been sold for more than a year's wages
as a temp (7) and given to the poor."
And they schwagged (8) her sharply.
6. But Jesus said, "Don't squeak (9) the sister. Why
do you dis her? She has done a good work for Me.
7. "For you have the poor with you always, and when ever
you wish you may do them good; but Me you do not have always.
8. "She has done what she could. She has come beforehand
to anoint My body for burial.
9. "Guaranteed, I say to you, whenever the phat news is preached
in the world, what this sister did will also be spoken of her
as a memorial."
10. Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve, went to the LEO's
(10) to sell Him out.
11. So when they heard it, they were glad, and promised to give
him money. So he sought how he might betray Him and look good
doing it (11).
12. Now on the first day of Unleavened Bread, when they killed
the Passover lamb, His disciples said to Him, "Where do You
want us to go and prepare, that You may manifest the Passover.
13. So He sent out two of His disciples and said to them, "Go into the city, and a man will meet you
carrying a five-gallon bucket of water; follow him.
14. "And wherever he goes in, say to the owner of the kitchen,
'The Master says, "Where is the kitchen in which I may kick
down the Passover with My disciples?"'
15. "Then he will kick down a large upper room, furnished
and prepared; there make ready for us."
16. And His disciples went out, and came into the city, and found
it just as He had said to them; and they prepared the Passover (12).
17. In the evening He came with the twelve.
18. Now as they sat in circle and ate, Jesus said, "Guaranteed,
I say to you, one of you who eats with Me will betray Me."
19. And they began to be sorrowful, and to say to Him one by one,
"Is it I?"
20. Then He answered and said to them, "It is one of the
twelve that dips with me in the dish.
21. "The Son of Man will be betrayed,
as it is written of Him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of
Man is betrayed! It would have been better that man had never
22. And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, blessed it and
broke it, and gave it to them and said, "Take
and eat; for this is My body."
23. Then He took the cup, and when He had given thanks He gave
it to them, and they all drank from it.
24. And He said, "This is My blood
of the new permit, which is shed for many (13).
25. "Guaranteed, I say to you, I will no longer drink, of
the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the
kingdom of God."
26. And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount
27. Then Jesus said to them, "All of
you will be made to stumble this night, for it is written:
a. I will strike the Shepherd,
b. And the sheep will be scattered (14).'
28. "But after I have been raised, I will go before you to
29. But Rocky said to Him, "Even if all are made to stumble,
yet I will not be."
30. And Jesus said to him, "Guaranteed,
I say to you that today, even this night, before the rooster crows
twice, you will deny Me three times."
31. But he swore, If I have to die with You, I will not deny You!
And they all said right-on.
32. Then they came to a place named the Oil Press (15);
and He said to His disciples, "Sit
here while I pray."
33. And He took Rocky, Jimmy, and Johnny with Him, and He began
to be troubled and deeply distressed.
34. Then He said to them, "My soul
is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch."
35. He went a little farther, and fell on the ground, and prayed
that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him.
36. And He said, "Father-Daddy, all
things are possible with You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless,
not what I will, but Your will be done."
37. Then He came and found them sleeping, and said to Rocky, "Rock, are you sleeping? Could you not watch
even one hour?"
38. "Watch and pray, lest you enter
into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
39. Again He went away and prayed, and spoke the same words.
40. And when He returned, He found them asleep again, for their
eyes were heavy; and they did not know what to answer Him.
41. Then He came the third time and said to them, "Are
you still sleeping and resting? It is enough! The hour has come;
behold the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners.
42. "Rise up, let us go. See, My betrayer is at hand."
43. And immediately, while He was still speaking, Judas, one of
the twelve, with a great multitude with knives and sticks, came
from the Hi-Ho's, the shamans, and the council.
44. Now His betrayer had given them a signal, saying, "Whomever
I kiss, He is the One; take Him and lead Him away safely."
45. And as soon as He had come, immediately he went up to Him
and said to Him, "Master, Master!" and kissed Him (16).
46. Then 6-up (17) laid their hands on
Him and took him.
47. And one of those who stood by drew his sword and struck the
servant of the Hi-Ho, and cut his ear off.
48. Then Jesus answered and said to them, "Have
you come out, as against a robber, with knives and sticks to take
49. "I was daily with you in the temple teaching, and you
did not take Me. But the Scriptures must be fulfilled (18)."
50. Then they all bailed-out on Him.
51. Now a certain young man followed Him, having a linen cloth
thrown around his naked body. And the young men laid hold of him,
52. and he left the linen cloth and bailed from them naked.
53. And they led Jesus away to the Hi-Ho; and with him were assembled
the shamen, the elders, and the focalizers.
54. But Rocky followed Him at a distance right into the courtyard
of the Hi-Ho. And he sat with the servants and warmed himself
at the bliss pit.
55. And the Hi-Ho's and all the council sought testimony against
Jesus to put Him to death, and found none.
56. For many bore false witness against Him, but their testimonies
did not agree.
57. And some rose up and bore false witness against Him saying,
58. "We heard Him say, 'I will destroy this temple that is
made with hands, and within three days I will build another made
59. But not even then did their testimony agree.
60. And the Hi-Ho stood up in the midst and asked Jesus saying,
"Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against
61. But He kept silent and answered nothing. Again the Hi-HO asked
Him, saying to Him, "Are You the Messiah, the Son of Man?"
62. And Jesus said, "I Am. And you
will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power,
and coming with the clouds of heaven (19)."
63. Then the Hi-Ho tore his clothes and said, "What further
need do we have of witnesses?
64. "You have heard Him dis God! What do you think? And they
all condemned Him to be worthy of death.
65. Then some began to spit on Him, and to blindfold Him, and
to beat Him, and to say to Him, "Prophesy!" And 6-up
struck Him with the palms of their hands.
66. Now as Rocky was below in the courtyard, one of the servant
girls of the Hi-Ho's came.
67. And when she saw Rocky warming himself, she looked at him
and said, "You also were with Jesus the Branch."
68. But he denied it, saying, "I neither know nor understand
what you are saying," And he left the bliss-pit, and a rooster
69. And the servant girl saw him again, and began to say to those
who stood by, "This is one of them."
70. But he denied it again. And a little later those who stood
by said to Rocky again, "Surely you are one of them; for
you are a Hippie, and your speech shows it."
71. But he began to curse and swear, "I do not know this
Man of whom you speak!"
72. And a second time the rooster crowed. And Rocky called to
mind the word that Jesus had said to him, "Before
the rooster crows twice, you will deny Me three times." And
when he thought about it, he wept (20).
When drawing close
To Him in worship
Love God with your whole being!
Love your fellow man as yourself!
Forgive one another
Footnotes & Commentary
More Hippie Gatherings:
Feather Trading Post
Federal Agents Kick Out Church
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Year's Eve 2002
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